January 28, 2006
I haven't decided on when or how often I'll be posting new Monte Report blog entries. My initial idea was once/week, but it may just depend more upon my energy level and whether or not there is anything interesting to report.
This past week was a rough one. I'm having more and more trouble avoiding/handling the major triggers that pummel me at work, and my ability to fight them (the triggers) is negligible these days. But I think I fake it pretty well while I'm at work, so I don't think it's very noticeable to most people (though I do communicate about it with several key confidants at work). But for the last three nights in a row I went straight to bed upon getting home, with heavy doses of Xanax to ensure a thought-less, sleepful night. It's now Saturday morning, and as soon as I sign off I plan to crawl back into bed and return to a non-thinking mode of existence. (That's more or less what I mean when I refer to "hermit-mode.")
It has become clear over the past couple months that working 40 hours/week is simply not something I am capable of doing on a long-term sustainable basis. The weariness I feel upon getting home greatly interferes with accomplishing normal household tasks like cleaning, laundry, the dirty dishes, and eating anything remotely nutritious. I've begun CONFIDENTIAL discussions with my boss about my future at the CU, and I suspect that there will be (yet another) significant change put into place sometime in the next few months. We'll see. My primary goal is to remain a productive member of the workforce in one way or another, and since I really can't imagine finding a workplace that is as loving, encouraging and supportive of my "special" needs, it really seems essential that I continue working at the CU in some way, shape or form, otherwise the only alternative seems to be unemployment/disability.
Thanks to everyone who read my first blog entry and for your warm wishes and support!
Love,
Monte
PS I had to have one of my molars extracted all of a sudden last Friday -- it had broken clean in half down to the roots. I guess I'm grinding my teeth a lot in my sleep.
This past week was a rough one. I'm having more and more trouble avoiding/handling the major triggers that pummel me at work, and my ability to fight them (the triggers) is negligible these days. But I think I fake it pretty well while I'm at work, so I don't think it's very noticeable to most people (though I do communicate about it with several key confidants at work). But for the last three nights in a row I went straight to bed upon getting home, with heavy doses of Xanax to ensure a thought-less, sleepful night. It's now Saturday morning, and as soon as I sign off I plan to crawl back into bed and return to a non-thinking mode of existence. (That's more or less what I mean when I refer to "hermit-mode.")
It has become clear over the past couple months that working 40 hours/week is simply not something I am capable of doing on a long-term sustainable basis. The weariness I feel upon getting home greatly interferes with accomplishing normal household tasks like cleaning, laundry, the dirty dishes, and eating anything remotely nutritious. I've begun CONFIDENTIAL discussions with my boss about my future at the CU, and I suspect that there will be (yet another) significant change put into place sometime in the next few months. We'll see. My primary goal is to remain a productive member of the workforce in one way or another, and since I really can't imagine finding a workplace that is as loving, encouraging and supportive of my "special" needs, it really seems essential that I continue working at the CU in some way, shape or form, otherwise the only alternative seems to be unemployment/disability.
Thanks to everyone who read my first blog entry and for your warm wishes and support!
Love,
Monte
PS I had to have one of my molars extracted all of a sudden last Friday -- it had broken clean in half down to the roots. I guess I'm grinding my teeth a lot in my sleep.
PPS In you interested in data compiled from the Monte Mood Scale, click on the Monte Mood Scale link . . .
posted by Monte at
1:28 PM
