Early June Monte Report

In a month or so, if all goes according to plan, I can expect to be settling into my new home in Washington: a single-wide mobile home across the road from the house my parents will be living in. At this point though, the house needs a lot of work - new carpet, lots of painting, and some major plumbing work. I'm excited about the fact that I'll soon be settled, however I'm feeling pretty miserable in the meantime. I'm stressed about getting all the work on the house done; I'm dealing with an obstinate disability insurance company which is only making me more disabled; I'm mourning over my inability to keep my job and maintain the daily friendships I'd developed there; and I'm feeling incapacitated by a slew of triggers that keep whapping me upside the head. The fact that I have something to look forward to (the new home in Washington) is about the only thought that successfully battles the suicidal thoughts that dance in my head. This waiting game is just wearing me out. Once I get moved up there, though, I'm sure I'll face new problems, like loneliness and fears about whether/when I should begin to seek a new job. But, one step at a time, I suppose.