Late October Monte Report

The past month has gone pretty smoothly. I spent half of it in Arizona, with family, and really enjoyed myself. I think that my current medication regimen is pretty optimal. Things certainly aren't perfect of course, but I suppose they never will be. Still, I'd like to think that someday I won't have unsubstantiated and seemingly random unhappiness in my life. -- One new thing that I'm trying out is the 12-Step program Al-Anon. I've been to just three meetings so far, and haven't quite decided whether it's something I want to keep doing. -- Not much else to report, so here's a quote from Coping With Depression by Jon Allen, about something he calls "Dependent Depression":

"[T]he dependent form of depression reflects sensitivity to separation and loss. Dependent relationships are characterized by . . . an excessive desire for closeness, contact, comforting, soothing, nurturance, protection, and security. . . . In the dependent pattern, depressive episodes are precipitated by disruption in attachments -- any potentially significant interruption in the sense of being cared for. The broken emotional bond leaves the individual feeling unwanted, unloved, unlovable, neglected, and abandoned. The ensuing depression is reflected in feelings of helplessness and loneliness."

My depression is very much "dependent" -- my insecure attachment with my boss, for example, is characterized by the excessive desires noted above, and results in feelings like "unwanted" and "abandoned." Therefore it would behoove me to get a handle on this relationship . . .