Late July Monte Report

As you may have heard by now, things are not "just ducky" anymore. The boss to whom I've developed such a strong attachment has resigned, and is moving away in a couple of weeks. Life will go on, I know, and he's just one person out of the many important people in my life, and he'll probably be happier with his new life situation, but for now I'm in mourning and I'm sad. I'm trying to be sad in a healthy way -- the way you're supposed to be when you suffer a loss. But it's not easy, and today has been especially challenging. I'm trying to be cognizant of my stress level, knowing that that's what ultimately drives my depression. Work will undoubtedly become more stressful, at least in the short run, and I need to do my best to mitigate that stress, by spending time with friends, taking more hikes, eating out more often, sleeping a lot, and calling in sick on days when I feel like I just can't handle it. In this way I can hopefully stave off a full-fledged breakdown. Fortunately, I feel optimistic that I'll be able to get through this change without too much trouble, and that's a good start.

In Coping With Depression, Dr. Allen says:

"[S]tressful events and personality interact; persons who are more dependent are more likely to become depressed in response to problems in relationships. Accordingly, working on problems in attachment relationships can be crucial in diminishing vulnerability to depression."

With my boss, even though I'm confident we'll remain friends, I'm sure the "out of sight, out of mind" principle will apply, and his hold on me will quickly diminish. The long-term challenge I face is, "Who's next?" Who will be the next person in my "tractor beam" -- as my therapist calls it. Of course, must there be someone in my tractor beam at all times? If the past is a good predictor of the future, then the answer is "yes" -- but maybe now is the time for me to break out of this pattern. Time will tell . . .