Late September Monte Report

Change is afoot! My recent visit to California -- in particular the visits I had with friends there -- finally convinced me that I'm not ready or able to try and put down new roots in Washington. And so, my move to Washington is being aborted.

It's all happening very quickly, but it looks like I'll be living in the same building as before, just one apartment over. And I've been in touch with my former boss about possibly returning to work there, and that looks promising. Right now I'm in a major moving mode, with several fast and furious round trips between Washington and California planned over the next couple weeks, all scheduled around various doctors appointments in both places. Complicating matters is the fact that my parents are moving out of California in about three weeks, so I won't have a "home base" to work from while I resettle myself. Finding a place to lay my head for the night won't be the problem, rather the hassle of moving my stuff around while I await for my new apartment to be vacated (the date of which is not yet determined) will be.

The bottom line of my decision has to do with the fact that I'm feeling pretty miserable, and the prospects for radical improvement in Washington seem slim. Even if my new medication is a wonder drug, I still am without a social life. The pace at which I am able to make new friends is measured on a geological time scale, and I'm just not prepared to start all over from scratch. Seeing my friends in California this past week just made it so clear to me that now is not the time to face the challenge of starting over. Starting over from scratch out of a desire for something new is one thing; doing so out of desperation is another.

My mantra this past week is something along the lines of "I'm going to be miserable either way, and I'd rather be miserable in California" -- where I have friends, where there are restaurants and grocery stores and movie theaters and a community that I feel a part of. I regret the hassle involved, especially the hassle that this causes my family. But I gotta do what I gotta do to improve my chances of finding happiness. My apologies also go out to my Pacific Northwest pals that I didn't get around to visiting during my brief foray up here. Your support of my move up here is appreciated, and I'm sad that I won't be living close to you after all.

Anyway, that's the Monte Report for now. My access to a computer may be limited over the next few weeks, so you may not hear from me for a while, but I'll try and keep in touch.