I'm moving! In a few days I'm going to begin the process of moving to an apartment downtown, within walking distance of where I work! It's not a perfect situation, but it's a marked improvement over my current living situation. Most importantly, it's bigger (though of course more expensive) than my current place. I will save a lot of money though on gas and parking fees since I can walk to work. Hopefully this new living situation will have a good effect on my mood. I'm nervous, of course, about whether it's the right decision, to move into this place, since it's not "perfect" -- but as one friend said, I'm not going to find the "perfect" place no matter how hard I try. One bonus is that it has space for a washer and dryer -- so if you know of a washer and dryer that are for sale or in need of adoption, let me know. One downside is that it doesn't come with a refrigerator, so I'm in need of one of those as well. Hopefully I'll find something on Craigslist.
In other news, I'm even more stressed than before about my future at work. The "Head Teller" position that I was aspiring to take over in a few months has been upgraded to "Teller Supervisor." So I'm looking at a position with even greater responsibility. This is now the key topic of discussion with both my therapist and my psychiatrist. Both they and my boss seem to have confidence in my ability to do the job. (I shouldn't call him my "boss" anymore though, since he's now my boss's boss . . .) (that too is bothersome: although I like my new boss -- the new Teller Supervisor -- well enough, I'm more attached to my former boss). Any change in title for me is still a few months away, fortunately, but even that seems too soon. To help prepare me for a change, I've been doing a couple things. One is that I did those exercises that my psychiatrist recommended (that I mentioned last month). What I came away with from those is that I'm simply afraid that my depression and anxiety will interfere with my ability to do the job; in particular I'm afraid that they will interfere with my ability to deal with angry customers, and with problem employees. I just lack the confidence to deal with those situations, and my anxiety spikes whenever I think about trying to deal with them. -- The other thing I'm doing is that I've begun reading a book called Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude, which was recommended to me by a good friend. So far it hasn't been a mind-blowing read, but as I work through the book I'm hopeful it will begin to spark some change in me.
To close, here is some random wisdom from Coping With Depression by Dr. Allen. Throughout his book he emphasizes the importance of secure "attachment" relationships:
"[O]ur capacity for attachment is part of our biological constitution. Because we are social beings, attachment is as essential to our survival as air, water, and food. . . . [T]hroughout life, when we are frightened, we want to be close to an attachment figure. . . . [A]ttachment needs are "characteristic of human nature throughout our lives 'from the cradle to the grave.' " . . . Secure attachments entail trust, the hallmark of which is confidence that the attachment figure will be available and emotionally responsive in times of need."
So, perhaps obviously, it's important for our mental health to have secure relationships with other people. The more such relationships we have, I imagine, the better.
