Late October Monte Report

The most notable thing since my last post is that I ran out of my new medication. When I last saw my doctor I miscalculated how much I had left and so I ended up going about five days without it while I tried to arrange with my doctor to get a new prescription. Until that happened I wasn't too thrilled with the new medication. Things weren't going as perfectly as I would have liked, and so I was ready to conclude that it wasn't going to do the trick for me. But then I ran out, and things got SO much worse! Those five days without the new medication were quite miserable, despite the fact that I was keeping myself fairly busy with chores and errands and lunch dates etcetera. At certain points I just couldn't stop crying, and I ended up sleeping an inordinate amount, just to escape. Now that I'm back on the new medication, I can see that it DOES make a significant difference: my attitude, my self confidence and my outlook for the future are greatly improved. Things still aren't as perfect as I would like them to be, but they probably never will be. Right now it's a Friday night and I'm faced with the prospect of keeping myself occupied over an entire weekend with very little in the way of plans already made. Last weekend that would have been a devastating prospect. This weekend it's only mildly intimidating.

After I whined in my last blog entry about my difficulties in making plans with other people I ended up challenging myself to do just that -- and I was successful at making quite a few plans with various people. Besides being fun spending time with others, it felt good to be putting myself out there in terms of risking rejection, and I feel inspired to keep pushing at the borders of my comfort zone.

One challenge that I'm not facing up to very well is that of getting myself moved in. I have no desire to unpack anything, nor to begin the necessary work of purging my belongings. I simply have too much stuff, and though I want to live a more simple, uncluttered life, I am loathe to go through the motions of uncluttering my life. And so I'm living amongst stacks of boxes and empty bookcases. And I've got a storage locker filled to the ceiling with yet more boxes. Oy.

Anyway, things are generally looking brighter than they were ten days ago, and hopefully they'll keep looking that way.