Late August Monte Report

This past week things have been trending in a more positive direction. I still feel pretty low, but not as low as I was when I wrote the last Monte Report. Getting out of bed in the morning is still a challenge, and I still spend most of the day wishing it was time to go back to bed. But thoughts of suicide haven't been as much of a problem.

After a year-long sabbatical, I've begun using the Monte Mood Scale again to document my moods. I think this will be helpful as I develop a relationship with my new therapist, and as I work toward that point in time where I'm ready to go back to work. I'm very nervous and scared about going back to work, and it will be helpful to have some "data" to look at that demonstrates my readiness (or lack thereof) to do so.

Because I've been floundering for so long on my current medication regimen, my therapist and I decided the time has come to take me off of Parnate and replace it with something else. I was first put on Parnate when I was in the hospital in 2003, and I'm currently taking a very high dose, so the process of weaning myself off of it will take a while -- probably around nine weeks. During that time it's reasonable to expect that my mood will decline significantly -- but it's a valley that needs to be traversed before I can switch to a new medication.

Now that I've got carpeting in my new place, I've been able to move some of my stuff in. I can't describe what a difference it makes to have bookcases with books in them! Even though 90% of my books are still in storage, just having my favorite ones at hand makes the place feel more like home.

There's nothing else substantial to report, and I can't think of an interesting picture to include, so I'll just leave it at that.

Mid-August Monte Report

I'll try and keep this Monte Report brief, as there's not much to say except that my mood has turned around 180 degrees since my last post. I'm in Washington now, my new carpet has finally been installed, and now I'm faced with the daunting task of trying to actually move in. The delays in getting the carpet installed wreaked havoc with my mood. Adding to my worries is a plumbing problem under my kitchen sink. I could whine some more about other problems with my house but I'll leave it at that.

I did see my new "doctor" -- he's an "Advanced Registered Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner", and is "board certified as an Adult/adolescent Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner with prescriptive authority." But since that takes too long to say, I'll just call him "my doctor." We seemed to click pretty well, and I look forward to delving into my issues with him. Hopefully he can just wave his magic wand at me and POOF I'll be ready to rejoin the work force. If only it were that easy . . .

Early August Monte Report

I'm now up in Washington for good. Unfortunately my carpet STILL hasn't been installed so I can't start moving in and settling into my new place yet. (It's been two months since we ordered the carpet -- I doubt I'll ever shop at Home Depot ever again.) Fortunately, I have my computer here and it provides me with opportunities to occupy myself (though, unfortunately, I'm back to a dial-up connection -- no DSL out here in the boondocks). In fact, I've experienced a burst of energy this past week, and have done quite a bit of work on various computer-based projects that I've neglected for months. I'm also beginning to feel motivated to start using some of the Cognitive Behavior Therapy skills that were useful in the past. That, combined with new carpet and seeing my new therapist this Friday, will hopefully mark the beginning of a turnaround. We'll see.

Along those lines, I recently had one of the best days in many many months: I went hiking with a couple friends to our favorite swimming hole. That's me diving in -- not quite Olympic-quality form to my diving, but I had a great time. We had brunch before the hike, and afterwards I saw a movie and had dinner with two other friends. I don't remember the last time I had such a good day.