Mid-January Monte Report

Well, the Monte Report is back to bitching and moaning again. I'm having a very negative reaction to a situation at work, and it has left me feeling so hopeless about my future that I've begun to think not just in terms of "Should I kill myself?" but rather "When should I kill myself?" (and "How should I kill myself?"). So, suicidal thinking is dominating my life right now. -- My parents are out of the country for three weeks and I'm not about to ruin their vacation by killing myself while they're gone, so I'll be sticking around at least through the first week of February. But the thought of ceasing to exist after that is very appealing right now. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's what's bouncing around inside my skull right now.

On Tuesday my thyroid doctor prescribed a new medication that might help with depression too, so maybe things will start to improve. And I'll also talk to my psychiatrist about upping the doses on my other meds when I see him next week. Hopefully these medication changes will do me some good. We'll see . . .